Make it real...

You cant be genuinely misunderstood or fraudulently accepted but you cannot be everything to everyone. Not everyone is going to get you, not everyone is going to understand where you're coming from or the battles you have fought on your own. The truth is that they do not even care. Learn how to be okay with that. Dont push people to care, push yourself to produce results and they will eventually. The more in love you fall with yourself and who you are, the less acceptance you need from others. Growth is a part ot life and is inevitable but never just accept someone's criticsms without filtering it through your conviction. You'll have to answer to God for the life you lived. Make it honest, genuine, compassionate and REAL.

Prayer of Grace

A role model to me, Sarah Jakes wrote this. 

Dear God,

It feels like life is constantly changing. I’m truly beginning to understand why so many cave in to the pressure of fitting in. Being different takes courage. It requires discipline. It challenges tradition. It’s much easier to blend in with all the others. It’s much safer to never try than to feel the risk of failure. I suppose that’s the beauty of falling in love with your scars. It taught me a valuable lesson. I survived. Survival makes the wise soul resilient, but the pain it requires scares too many from trying again. My life hasn’t been perfect. My past is far from it. I pray each day that my heart never loses the humility to yield to Your conviction. I ask for the strength to protect this heart from prejudice opinions. Curve my desire to be understood and instead give me the strength to love every soul You’ve created, especially my own. Erase my comfort and destroy any loyalty that doesn’t sharpen my vision. I desire nothing more than to serve my life, imperfect as it may be, for Your glory. Hasten me, challenge me, guide me, and I’ll stay close to You. If it hurts me now it’s only so You can heal me later. I’ll till the soil of my heart until it’s completely open to receive Your instruction. I have the faith to trust you and the courage to be still while You transform me.

Signed,
Student of Grace

The new path!

At this point that i am, I can tell you comfortably that you have been searching for love in the wrong places which harmed you. Of course...its alright. You know why? God made you original and you cannot keep making yourself comfortable in the background, in your pain and hurt and bitterness. The journey has not been, is not easy and I cannot guarantee you that it always will be. I can only guarantee you that you will come out of it if you want to. I want you to know that life is a series of the decisions you make and except you accept the responsibility of where you are, there wont be change. I said it earlier that God made you original, he made you perfect so there is absolutely nothing that is wrong with you. You are wrong with yourself. If you have given your personal power and will away, it is definitely time for you to take it back. Stop sharing your story  and pain because of the pity party that you want to get from those who do not mean it. Stop talking about what you dont want but what you want. Ask yourself, what are you saying? Are you saying to yourself things that you know you are right now or things you are going to be which is victorious,amazing, beautiful and not hurt, bruised, battered? What are you saying?
In life there would be moments where you feel lost but those moments are moments to grow you and the next thing you notice is the FOUND moments. There are many ways to win. You can start with getting in the driver's seat of your life and be in control. Do you need to be empowered?
Pray this along with me
"Dear Lord, i am now ready to be prepared for your very own plans of my tommorow. Strengthen me beyond my comfort zone and make me see that your love for me is unconditional and is able to turn me into anything. Amen."
What are you dealing with? You are not going through that for no just cause. I pray that you find the purpose of your situation and more importantly that you find GRACE.

FREE!

There was a time in my life I thought that God had thrown me away. I always knew that God was invisible but I still couldn’t see him, I couldn’t feel him. I had made progress with him before so it was easy for me to quickly realize that I was at a standstill. I no longer had that joy that everyone could see and partake of in my spirit. All through this period, I really did not have any emotion. I felt so empty; I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t sad, I was nothing. My mind was spinning but I couldn’t feel anything. It was like I felt alone with lots of people around me. I could feel myself drowning and I could do just nothing about it. I cried myself to sleep several times. I loved the old me, not this present one I couldn’t even define. What I knew was that I needed love, I craved attention, I needed to be held and be encouraged. Nothing at that point seemed to matter to me. I knew or I can say now that I thought I was alone. I had gone far away from God.

For weeks, I couldn’t find the right person to talk to. And through those days, all I could remember were my wrongs, the negative. All my achievements and happy endings seemed to disappear. Everyone that had ever seemed or was a mentor to me, all of a sudden were unapproachable. And so I kept sinking. I thought about the days that were still ahead of me with so many fears in my heart. How was I going to live sin free? How was I going to keep living right when at this age, I feel like this?

I have heard countless times that we as young people are at the stage where we just want to do a lot of things. Whether wrong or bad, we are prone to yielding completely to our feelings, emotions and desires. As young people, we are at a stage where you would naturally do some things that are not wrong per say and will condemn yourself for it when you realize that it is not the best or when it has put you in almost destroying position. I said they are not wrong because we just always want to be free, not to be told not to do something that we want to so badly or whatever we want to get involved in. Especially when we have a lot of voices in our heads saying; “do this, be this”. There are too many “ought to’s”, “should’s”, “you’d better’s” piled on top of what we want to do or what we want to be. To us, it is that those ahead of us expect us to do far more than we think we can. I knew these but during these moments, I just did not feel right and could not apply all the things I have heard.

I was at home one day when I remembered the exact words of a mentor. He said “create your future from your future not your future from your past”. When I thought about this, I realized that whatever is in the past is not qualified to be in the future. Even the Most High God, our father doesn’t condemn us when we do wrong things. He does not remember our wrongs at all, what a caring and loving father. I decided to drop the memories of all the wrongs I had ever done and how they made me feel. It doesn’t matter how much I do, it has already been forgiven. We have to live a life free of condemnations and criticisms. Your greatest condemner is YOU.

So drop the memories of the past, take the lessons and move forward. Just because the past taps you behind doesn’t mean you should look back. I realized that I was punishing myself for no just cause. I kept piling up my wrongs. But these were the words that brought soothing to my soul. You might not have it in mind to do wrong every time, you just find yourself doing it bot concentrating on the evil things you are doing will never help you do the good things that you desire to do. 

It is okay that we have a lot of desires. Jonathan Martenson once said “feelings are like waves, you can’t control them but you can choose which one to surf”. Feelings are there all the time. We all have emotions and we never know when they will show up or go away but we don’t have to let them rule us. You discover that in a day, you have hundreds of emotions. If you find yourself in a mess, probably you have behaved wrongly or you don’t like the things you do, feeling sorry for yourself is not the way out.

The next time you have a desire, weigh the advantages and disadvantages on a scale in your mind. You might never know. You just discover that it has more disadvantages than advantages. Whenever you have a desire you are not sure about, answer these three questions concerning it.What do you want, why do you want it and how badly do you want it? I believe that these three questions will guide you in a way in determining how good whatever you want to do is or bad it is. If you find yourself doing the wrong thing, you have not been self- conscious, you have not been God conscious. Make a decision today to live your life by decision not emotion; that way you can be rest assured that you remain free.